K I S S M E H A R D B E F O R E Y O U G O | summer time sadness - I just wanted you to know, that baby you´re the best
the melancholy of this song always hits me hard whenever I hear it. I love it so much, but it can get me down terribly at the same time - especially at the end of summer (no surprise there) I could really loose myself in this song, and Lana´s music in general. Sometimes I feel like I crave that deep sorrow and sadness, longing for something broken and lost. It is weird, but I feel better (most of the time) afterwards. I love the summer as much as Lana del Rey´s music, so I am sad to see it go every time. It is a moment every year when I feel like I am drowning, having to give up on the warmth of happiness. Once I get passed this feeling, I can deal with the cold season, get ready to embrace what comes next and actually enjoy everything that fall and winter brings along, but there is always that feeling left that only once spring hits I can fully breathe again.
Seeing summer go, (and I can´t deny it any longer, as it is really getting cold and the sun hasn´t been seen in weeks here) has made me reminisce and all of the images of this summer have come back to me. The thing is, I realized how fleeting all of these memories are to me, that I can not fully grasp them anymore. Especially my traveling images and memories. It is all more like a dream. I can not believe that I have been to Barcelona only a couple of weeks ago, and actually spent part of february and march of this year on Cuba. And then there was Oslo in Norway at the beginning of the year - that seems like an entire lifetime ago, if it ever even happened. Sometimes, I think if it weren´t for all of the photos that I take during my trips, I feel like I would loose their memories for ever. And in between those major trips and new cities and countries that I got to experience, the nearer cities such as Berlin, Hannover and Zurich on the other hand seem to become extremely distant even more so, all though they matter to me just as much.
I love to travel and feel trapped if I have to stay in one place for a long time. But sometimes I wonder if I must stand still at some point to be able to really value and cope with all of the impressions and new information that I consciously and unconsciously receive. Part of the reason why we (I assume and am pretty sure that I am not the only one perceiving it this way) sometimes loose the reality and the connection to what we saw, did, ate, felt, thought, and loved, thinking of travels as if they had been a dream, is the way we actually, physically and mentally travel. Not only do we miss and become oblivious of the change of scenery - the landscapes changing as well as the weather, the people, the entire culture around us when we sit a couple of hours in a tightly packed plane, completely detached of anything and everything underneath us (was that the pacific or the atlantic we just flew over - well, what does it matter, as long as we arrive at the destination of our choice) - but we also expect to head back home and be thrown back into the normal life as if nothing happened. Jumping back to work, being confronted with the daily stress and hectic pace of every-day life. When do we get the chance to really consume everything that we experienced during travel? When do we really judge the things we saw and determine how we really felt about everything? Certainly not at work telling everybody how completely and overly amazing our holidays/travels were. Sometimes I think I need a mini vacation (like only three or four days) after the actual vacation to take it all in and let it sink in good - and then get back to the real life and the real world.
So, summer is gone, and as always, I am getting in a gloomy mood. Hopefully, it will pass soon and I will be able to embrace fall and winter with as much enthusiasm as I can manage. (Everything would be fine if there was really a lot of snow while the sun is still shining and the sky is blue and I would get to snowboard or take long walks though the woods, but that is unfortunately just not the case.)
How do you feel about the seasons? Do you miss warmer weather as much as I do, or are you more a winter person?